Yes folks, sex is everywhere, Even in places we'd like it not to be, like peanut butter commercials. Whether overt or subtle, sex penetrates every corner of human consciousness, if only in some small way. Here at Lotus, flopping a big pair of tits on the cover in the name of selling sex isn't really our style. But even we have needs sometimes . . .

Contrary to the mainstream opinion that electronic music is a faceless genre, we all know that there are a great many in this culture that contradict that notion with their over-the-top personalities, often paired with equally provocative images or concepts. And so here we salute some of our favorite sexy bits, all selected as much for their inner spirit and sense of humor as for their pretty outer shells.

Sexiest Animated Character
Tino

Trust us, there is no sexier Cuban bandleader in all of electronic music than this 3D digitally animated superstar who leads the blunted beats and experimental whims of Jack Dangers (Meat Beat Manifesto) and Ben Stokes (DHS, also Tino's creator) like some possessed reincarnate of Desi Arnaz on steroids. Tino appears in videos and on his label's enhanced CD offerings, but after a few years of Tino-mania we think it's definitely time now for the life-size inflatable models. ¡Ay papi!

Recommended Listening: Tino's Breaks 1&2 (Tino Corp.)
Honorable Mention: Max Headroom

Sexiest Cartoon
The ladies of Naked Music

Naked Music has put out quite a few nice collections of easy groovin' house music. But glancing around a Naked party in San Francisco (which are always packed) you get the sense that the label has built up a large cult following primarily because of the Naked ladies that adorn every cover. And while that might offend some purists when the first focus shifts off the music, it is still to be commended because they've found a way to leap off shelves that are often weighted down with too much product.

Recommended Listening: Nude Tempo One, mixed by Miguel Migs (Naked Music)
Honorable Mention: Spongebob Squarepants

Hottest, Wettest Bikini Body
Aphex Twin

Good thing Richard D. James knows that he's kind of an ugly fucker, so he made it more palatable by sticking a number of porn-quality women's bodies with his face attached to them in his still enjoyable "Windowlicker" video from a few years back. That was his last real foray into sexiness - he's gone back to his maniacal machinations, as his most recent album proves - but it's still a memorable one.

Recommended Listening: Selected Ambient Works 85-92 (PIAS)
Honorable Mention: Phoebe Kates in "Fast Times At Ridgemont High"

Sexy Clownin'
Paris the Black Fu

The always lighthearted front man for the Detroit Grand Pu-bahs is just a plain nut, but in the best way possible. It's the kind of nuttiness that perhaps even dates back to Shakespeare's time that will lead one to romp up on stage wearing a codpiece, a cape, a mask or maybe just all three at once. Or will prompt one to shout at the patrons at a Miami strip club at full volume something like, "Why aren't we having fun? People, you're in a fucking titty bar!" For this and so much more, we love him.

Recommended Listening: Detroit Grand Pu-bahs, Funk All Y'all (Jive)
Honorable Mention: Krusty the Clown

Sexiest Schizo
Green Velvet

We loved Curtis as Cajmere, but we love him infinitely more as Green Velvet. After all, Cajmere wouldn't have stuck a bunch of green pipe cleaners on his bald head and called it hair. A Willy Wonka of sorts in a "La La Land" of his own creation, we're waiting for him to rock out with the Oompah Loompahs on his next tour. Or at least something equally as exciting.

Recommended Listening: Whatever (Relief)
Honorable Mention: Martin Lawrence 2nd Runner Up: Mariah Carey

Sexiest Three Ring Circus
Fischerspooner

Led by the suave Casey Spooner, who at almost 6'7" has just the right stature to pass himself off as techno's genuine P.T. Barnum, Fischerspooner has managed the difficult feat of simultaneously charming the pants off of the fickle 'underground' music, art and fashion communities. With babes that look straight out of an old fashioned Busby Berkeley musical and securely flamboyant gentlemen clad in all sorts of finery, they are no doubt heaving a sexy breath of life into electronic music. [Check our feature story for more on Fischerspooner.]

Recommended Listening: #1 (Ministry of Sound)
Honorable Mention: Destiny's Child

Hot Monkey Love
Basement Jaxx

People wanna hate on the Jaxx but they don't seem to take themselves as seriously as many think they do. You really can't think you're the shit and then plaster your face on a monkey's body in your video ("Where's Your Head At?"), for that is a move that does require you to still have some humble bones in your body. Plus, they get credit 'cuz they make cheeky monkeys.

Recommended Listening: Rooty (Astralwerks)
Honorable Mention: Monchichi

Raunchiest Male
Thick Dick

E-Smoove has been making house music for approximately thirty thousand years for many labels, yet he decided on this new project name about a year ago and - surprise! - it has drawn international attention. Sure, some of the underground booty records from Detroit or Baltimore might top Thick Dick for pure filth levels. But there's something slightly more shocking about hearing someone moan, "I want to fuck you in the ass" when it's over well-produced instrumentation that you might otherwise hear at a fancy Manhattan club.

Recommended Listening: Tribal Seductions (Subliminal)
Honorable Mention: Ron "The Hedgehog" Jeremy

Raunchiest Female
Peaches

A butch ball-buster that sports a giant hot pink strap-on at her sassy one-woman techno-funk shows and in photo shoots? 'Nuff said, really.

Recommended Listening: The Teaches of Peaches (Kitty-Yo)
Honorable Mention: Martha Stewart

Voice Like Butter/Male
Derrick Carter

Baby-making music - that's what they used to call the sweet love songs of Barry White, whose seductive tones became the soundtrack to countless children conceived over many slow nights. Derrick Carter is basically our dance music equivalent for those who like a livelier booty bump, and c'mon, what's sexier than actually being able to produce the song you sing on? Did Barry ever crawl behind the mixing boards?

Recommended Listening: Thanks For Stopping By mix CD (Classic)
Honorable Mention: Kraftwerk's Vocoder

Voice Like Butter/Female
Miss Kittin

This chanteuse originally blew up in Germany, where her sensual performances over pervy electro beats (from the likes of producers Goldenboy and the Hacker) made her a natural sensation there. Now she's finally getting Stateside respect and it's for more than just her classic French looks. And apparently she's working again with Felix the Housecat (she was on his "Silver Screen Shower Scene") on a new Vanity 6-style super-group. Meow.

Recommended Listening: Miss Kittin and the Hacker (Emperor Norton)
Honorable Mention: Kraftwerk's Vocoder

Horny German Lifetime Achievement
Sven Väth

This lovable superstar DJ gets our wink for continuing to appear as if he's always having fun, whether in ye olden days cavorting with club babes, doing marathon sets (and who knows what else) behind the decks or simply just being fabulous Sven. You can't be mad when you see someone with a genuine lust for living, who's actually a smart and very friendly person besides.

Recommended Listening: Live at Cocoon (Cocoon)
Honorable Mention: Armand van Helden (Yes, we know, he's not German.)

Wilt Chamberlain of Techno
Bad Boy Bill

It's not that Bill has exactly bragged to us about bagging a million rave chicks, but if pictures of you surrounded by cute ravettes at parties are showing up on candy rave Web sites, we're gonna take the plunge and assume you must be getting down with some of them. Besides, what DJ is going to create over 10 volumes of a mix series called Bang the Box and not get some play?

Recommended Listening: The Bang the Box series (MCM)
Honorable Mention: DJ Thomas Michael

Sexiest Label
International Deejay Gigolos

It seems like a great many of the 80-plus artists on DJ Hell's acclaimed label based in Munich, Germany have their own sexy sense of style (Fischerspooner, Crossover, Tiga, Felix the Housecat etc.), something that's made the Gigolos popular with couture mavens like Karl Lagerfeld. But when all is said and done, it's really the shirtless Sid Vicious logo that gets our juices flowing. Honorable Mention: Made in Taiwan.

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